Friday, April 25, 2008
is it possible for someone to be BORN melancholic? well it seems to be the case for me i feel. seriously, being happy is a very.... childish and innocent feeling. i don't like it. i don't like to feel satisfied, to feel that everything is going right when there could be so many things better. does happy really equal good? i beg to differ. to me sad is good. sad feels right. i like sad, i like emotional, i like to periodically shut people out of my life for a while, i like being alone.
-taken from roomie's blog

My dear... I agree that being happy is a very childish and innocent feeling but are you sure you don't like it? The times all of us spent together, laughing and joking and fooling around. When you smile/laugh, are they not genuine? When you smile/laugh, do you not truly enjoy smiling/laughing? When you smile/laugh, do you not like it?

Happiness. Why is it hard to achieve? And why does it get harder and harder to achieve with age? It's coz we lose our childishness and innocence. That's why. When it comes to you, why not embrace it without giving so much thoughts? Especially when you know very well that happiness is short-lived, it's transient, that's why we should treasure and not give it so much doubt. When you're happy, try not to think how this could be even better. The search for perfection never ends. In fact, there is no such thing as perfection.

The irony is, I'm a perfectionist. And here I am saying that it doesn't exist.

Happiness. When people are indulge in it, it is good. True value good. When you are in it, how could you not say the rush of euphoria, the light-hearted floating gloating feel, the bells of laughter, the upturn curves of mouth/s, the feeling that nothing else in the world matters is desirable?

Happiness. Perhaps if you're not in it, then you would view it as no-good. There was once a saying, 'the third person knows best'. I beg to differ. It is not always true. You only get the superficial idea of the overall picture and the fact that you're a 3rd person means that you do not know the specific details well enough to make a judgment. Yes, as a 3rd person one can always afford to be cynical and sadistic and probably snort and snigger at others' happiness, praying deep down that soon, their elation will be rubbed off.

I emo quite a lot as well. You know that, my dear. Although I doubt I do emo as often as you do but I do. It's the end of our 1st academic year at NTU, and I recalled quite distinctly that 2 people asked me the same question before;-

Will you feel happy when you make others happy?

And I would say Yes in caps... so YES. I do. It's contagious, I feel. Perhaps to some, perhaps to you, it's not. But I can tell you that when I made people smile/laugh, I'm happy too *provided that it doesn't require much throwing-of-face on my part*

Taking the chance to tell you that dear, I love rooming with you. I think it's great. I never feel tired or bored of your presence. And I'm glad that fate brought us tgt. I know you never really like hall life. But I hope you like ur roomie. Heh... and her nonsensical lame jokes that set you rolling eyes or send you into zen mode. =)

I've grown up. I truly did. I can feel my transformation and maturation, despite it being a slow metamorphosis process. Perhaps others do not know, perhaps others never realise, so what? As long as I know that I've changed and i felt that I've changed for the better. That's ample. And I like my changes. They're comfortable. I can totally live with them.

Reviewing my 1st year, I felt that my greatest gain is not knowledge learnt from books and notes and lecturers and tutors (and to think that's wad I go uni for), but knowledge from people I know. Through them, I am able to take on different perspectives, different angles for the same issue. Through them, I've learnt not to be so stubborn all the times (although I'm still quite a freaking mule at times). Through them, I get to learn more about myself.

Through them, I get happiness as well.
Thanks and kudos to all those who left your footprints in my life. Tidal of times will eventually wash away those who did not leave such a deep footprint but you know, it was there. And this is a tribune for them.

Roomie, we're all thinkers. We think a lot and we emo a lot. But I guess I'm more, in your words, childish and innocent than you are. Well, sometimes, it doesn't hurt to not think so much, really. Take a breather. Slow down. And feel. Right from the heart.
Perhaps you will see what you've been missing out. The simple little details in life that could bring a smile to your face.

I particularly like this line from you...

I like putting on my ear piece, coz when I do that, I feel that I'm shutting out the whole world.

And I couldn't agree more.

Happy hols, ppl =)
dob: 11-02-1988
The Negative @
city: singapore